玩樂有時

那些沒有好感的人

有些認識的人，總是沒有很大好感，但是卻會一直記得他們，因為他們都說了些甚麼，給我一點啟發。對他們而言，那些啟發，還不過是一些順口說出來的事情。

年輕人A為人自我感覺良好，有時會給人不知天高地厚的感覺。有一次他跟我說話後提出：「點解你成日答你唔知，而你其實係知嘅呢？」面對這個問題，我的第一個反應仍然是「唔知呀」。他的問題聽落有點不客氣，但我往後想，他說得也是，即使是鹽瓶在哪兒這種小事，我也常常說「唔知呀，好似喺個櫃度。」想深一層，我其實是用「唔知呀」來buy time，去想真正的答案，因為我接受不了一兩秒的沉默，這句話很多餘。

B和我只有一面之緣，就是那些一開口就知道是非我族類的朋友。我們閒談，我提起就算我的琴技真的好得出神入化，也不一定可以以鋼琴謀生。和我三九唔識七的B，沒有敷衍說「咁又係」，反而說「咁唔關琴技事，係睇你點諗。」雖然這句話很老土，但當時也給我一點當頭棒喝之感。也對，先自覺做不到的，就多數不會做得到。

還有一個C，好在只是泛泛之交，我相信如果我們關係近點，我一定會好討厭他的「我啱晒」性格。有次閒談，我表示順其自然啦，我也不抱很大信心。「我啱晒」的C馬上說：「點解你會咁諗，你覺得堅嘅，就應該一鼓作氣去追求先係。」他把我的「凡事不去太盡，為日後失敗留個空間」的瘀血捽了出來。是的，把目標定得低是我的性格。

這些突然戳一下的意見讓人進步。或許陋習依舊，頑固想法無改，但至少他們讓我更清楚自己。（欣賞是欣賞，雖然心裡還是有小小討厭他們）

When you had a piano at home, you never play it

But when you don't, you would so eagerly want to play piano to the point that you bring your own music sheets to visit a friend, whom of course has a piano.

Baby it's cold outside

We went to Scarborough Bluffs, a lake side cliff. It was a bit cold, yes, quite cold in fact, even in Canadian standard. I have to confess this was my idea. But the walk made the crepes and coffees afterward more rewarding. And I would not know my chronic complaining friend was in fact extraordinarily tough if I had not made her walk with me!

Joke maker and her grumpy victim 

Loretta, you got me!

FYI:  Scarborough Bluffs in summer time

乙未羊年新歲

good one

death sat on my knee and cracked with laughter 

by Charles Bukowski

I was writing three short stories a week

and sending them to the Atlantic Monthly

they would all come back.
my money went for stamps and envelopes

and paper and wine

and I got so thin I used to suck my cheeks together
and they'd meet over the top of my
tongue (that's when I thought about
Hamsun's Hunger - where he ate his own flesh; I once took a bite of my wrist
but it was very salty).

anyhow, one night in Miami Beach (I

have no idea what I was doing in that 

city) I had not eaten in 60 hours
and I took the last of my starving
pennies
went down to the corner grocery and 
bought a loaf of bread.
I planned to chew each slice slowly - 
as if each were a slice of turkey
or a luscious 
steak
and I got back to my room and
opened the wrapper and the 
slices of bread were green
and mouldy.

my party was not to be.

I just dumped the bread upon the
floor
and I sat on that bed wondering about
the green mould, the
decay.

my rent money was used up and 
I listened to all the sounds
of all the people in that 
roominghouse

and down on the floor were 
the dozens of stories with the 

dozens of Atlantic Monthly

rejection slips.

it was early evening and I 

turned out the light and

 went to bed and

it wasn't long before I

heard the mice coming out,

I heard them creeping over my

immortal stories and

eating the 

green mouldy bread.

and in the morning

when I awakened

I saw that

all that was left of the

bread

was the green mould.

they had eaten right to the 

edge of the mould

leaving chunks of 

it

among the stories and 

rejection slips

as I heard the sound of

my landlady's vacuum 

cleaner

bumping down the

hall

slowly approaching my 

door.

敗在辛辣麵手上

我越來越愛看食物的label，任何似化學品的名稱，都被我視為對身體無益的東東，然後放進「最好別買」的系列，但是辛辣麵還是偶爾會忍不住手買兩包。

我很喜歡吃麵，自己一個人時常常吃麵，湯餃、雲吞麵、生牛河、魚旦粉，有湯的我都愛。但麵的味粉其實都是味精，於是自己多買無味粉的麵。

我最近連雞湯都儘量不買超市的，改為自己買雞殼，煲一大鍋後冷藏待用。因為我發現大部分雞湯還是有很多化學品。而號稱全天然，有機那些，就...不好味。

有一下我甚至在想，那些煲雞湯的雞殼，都是打針大的雞吧，其實這煲湯也不是真的很天然。

當然，這樣牛角尖下去，連食素也無用，應該索性自殺算了-__-

我認為有機食物未必一定健康得多或原味得多，但我希望至少可以拒絕吃下太多添加劑進肚子。只是有點固執地堅持天然的我，偶然還是敗在辛辣麵手上。

辛辣麵，你真是太邪惡了！